I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Randomize
