If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
