Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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