I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Houston, we have a blender
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
