i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
