i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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