I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
