Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
