is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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