I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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