I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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