he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
