Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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