overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
