Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
