I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
