he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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