Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
