Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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