so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
