Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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