i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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