organizing the empties. That sober.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
