I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i came on her dog
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
