I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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