It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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