i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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