What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
