I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
