not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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