if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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