I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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