Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You ate ashes out of my bong
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
