This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
