No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
