All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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