You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed đ
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This toilet bowl is my home.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled âfive times and I still havenât gotten offâ when he was still inside me ..
Said âdonât worry Iâll get myself off tomorrowâ to top it all off
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