The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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