mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
where am i from again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
