May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
