I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
