I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i believe in u and ur pee
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
