What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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