Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
