You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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