JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
