Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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