i don't like sucking hair
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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