just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
