dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
