I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
