His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
